#2223

"I know you're thinkin' about layin' down, but I'm talking about my MOM here." 

—to Emma, who wanted to go to sleep because it was 3AM

#2219

"Friends are able to see each other naked, unless it's my girlfriend and that fuckin' doctor." 

—to Emma, after begging her over and over for a video of her pussy

#2206

"She KNOWS that I don't like fuckin' dishonesty."

—to Emma, about Ramona

#2194

"He really had to be a dumbass son of a bitch [because] he couldn't tell your—your voice was fake."

—Emma, about Stanley falling for catfishes (seriously)

#2190

"My fuckin' girlfriend is suckin' cock. I guess I can fuckin' flirt with fuckin' women on the phone."

— to Emma and Nathanielette

#2161

Lorne:

"I really didn't wanna do all that stuff. I didn't fuckin' go in that chatroom to look for a fuckin' teenybobber.

Emma:

"You went into a chatroom to look for what."

Lorne:

"Mmmgh mmgh—just to fuckin' look for an adult—an adult girl."

#2142

"I almost asked her to marry me, and she—she told me not to ask her because sh—I would actually be somebody that she WOULD marry. So that made me decide not to ask her."

—to Emma, about Paula 

#2138

"You don't bring the guy that your boyfriend doesn't like SHOPPING."

—to Emma, about Ramona and the Doctor

#2134

"Grab your fuckin' foreskin and stick it in your mouth." 

—to Winnie/Emma, who was pretending to be a very drunk Roy

#2115

"I cherish every time I sit down. I... relax. I cherish it. The problem is, I don't like sitting down because I sit down all week."

—to Emma

#2109

"I'm sorry I'm getting pissed cuz I fuckin'—I hate the fuckin' internet! It's caused me a fuckin' world a' hurt!"

—to Emma

#2106

"His mind was so focused on being able to get into a young ass that the voice didn't matter to him." 

—to Emma, about Stanley not picking up on fake voices (seriously)

#2104

"I doubt it but I wouldn't doubt it at the same time."

—to Emma, about Nikki possibly being a prostitute 

#2070

"You are the ONLY ONE, including Emma—you are the ONLY ONE that has a fuckin' chance to have a full fuckin' trust in ME." 

—to Tiffany (Casey)

#2052

"I am not gonna laugh at things that are not laughable about."

—to Emma, when he didn't find it funny that she called him "Mr. Penis"

#2032

"FUCK THAT FUCKIN' SITE! IT'S A PIECE A' SHIT!"

—to Emma, about a Church of Cawd Facebook group


(Editor's note: I just think it's funny to call a website a "piece a' shit")

#2011

"I am not Mr. Penis."

—to Emma & Ramona

#1998

"No, I'm not gonna pinch Emma's nipples. That's Dan's job."

—to Rhoda, his 18-year-old "stepdaughter"

#1992

"That is nothing but HORSESHIT and SEXUAL BULLSHIT!"

—to Emma, about Ramona and the Doctor

#1986

"It's not a dry hot here. It's a wet hot."

—to Emma