#2223

"I know you're thinkin' about layin' down, but I'm talking about my MOM here." 

—to Emma, who wanted to go to sleep because it was 3AM

#2182

"Do you think my mother would agree with you not tellin' me how you saw the doctor naked and how he saw you—nyeh—your tits and—and—and in your panties? You think my mother would agree with that?" 

—to Ramona

#2133

"And I KNOW my mom is gonna—will love you right to FUCKING death, if you treat her right. And I KNOW you'll treat her right because I know this BULLSHIT that you fucking say on the goddam phone is fucking HORSESHIT, because I KNOW how you'll be with my mom." 

—to Tiffany (Casey)

#2119

"When we masturbate.... don't mention my mom."

—to Winnie

#2103

"She's 80-years-worth of being a real woman."

—to Jamie, about Mama Gwen

#2090

"You gotta realize, Mom, that Ralph and Laurie are not angels! They're pieces a' shit!"

—to Mama Gwen, about her two oldest children

#2033

"That fuckin' bitch is a piece a' shit! When're you gonna see that, mom?!"

—to Mama Gwen, about his sister and HER DAUGHTER, Laurie

#1967

"Those pieces a' shit on the internet don't KNOW her. They have no right to call her 'Mama Gwen'."

—to Winnie, about Mama Gwen

#1939

"God forbid the two old—your two oldest kids never fuckin' do anything wrong! They're pieces a' shit! They're fuckin' worthless!"

 —to Mama Gwen, about Ralph and Laurie

#1932

"I've been going to work, I've been donating water to the homeless shelter, I go over and help mom, I help aunt Sharon."

—to Tiffany (Casey), describing how Lorne "gives back to society"

#1904

"Last night, I thought you were the fuckin' greatest woman in the world, with the exception of my mom. You had only her to compete with."

—to Tiffany (Winnie)

#1867

"You say you care about my mom, and then you go and call her a fuckin' gorilla! Isn't that fuckin' brilliant!"

—to Winnie

#1794

Winnie:
"What if you have to choose one, and there's only [Coke and Pepsi] in the ice chest, and you're really thirsty, and there's no beer, and your mom's twat is totally dry, and you're really thirsty?"

Lorne:
"Probably Pepsi."

#1784

"Mom says she's not interested in sex. But I wonder." 

—to Jamie

#1685

"I want you to love my mom and I want my mom to love you. You need to shut your fuckin' mouth about my mom."

—to Winnie

#1650

"I'm sorry—I'm very sorry that your mom is not the mom that you deserve to have. But my mom is the mom that I deserve to have. And you deserve to have a shot at her too."

—to Winnie

#1637

"She flipped me off again today."

—to Winnie, about Mama Gwen 

#1635

"That wood-heat helps the bones a lot more. When you're older and you got arthritis, that wood-heat is better for you than any other kind of heat." 

—to Winnie, about Mama Gwen

#1623

"Was you horny when you said 'fuck my mother'?"

—to Winnie

#1611

"He's ruining everybody's summer. Especially mom's. Mom's—Mom's sick. She's had a cold. She can't get rid of her fuckin' cold, because of Roy's bullshit."

—to Winnie