Winnie:
"You're still fuckin' stupid."
Lorne:
"You know better than that. You know I'm smart."
#1175
"I'm a good-lookin' guy, I already know that. It doesn't matter if my belly sticks out a little bit. Which my belly doesn't even stick out."
—to Tiffany
#1174
"Still shutting me the fuck out
because horse dink is shoved down
your cheating throat????????!!!!!!!"
—text to Ramona
#1066
"I lost my hair because—I got that from my uncles."
—to Winnie
(Editor's note: Lorne thinks he inherited baldness from his uncles)
#1172
"Of course he left some piece of clothing behind ... so you could sleep with it."
—to Winnie, about Eric
#1171
"How can you be interested in putting a bet on when someone's gonna die, and not interested in something that I'm doing here."
—to Cas3y, when she said she's not interested in the mundane details of his day
#1169
Lorne:
"You gonna talk or is that cock still there?"
Winnie:
"There's no cock."
Lorne:
"Ennahh no-ehhnhg—I don't believe it with the way you're acting cuz you never fuckin' called me back."
#1168
"I'm upset because I planned on basing my life around Winnie, and we had fuckin' plans."
—to Susan, about Winnie's terminal illness
#1165
"Manufactured stuff is always easy to prove."
—to the Therapist, when the Therapist said he could prove every allegation he made against Lorne
#1162
"Am I making you blush?"
—to Kayla, the 13-year-old decoy, after he told her that if they were together she'd be naked
#1161
"It was a dining hall at the bar—at the same place that the bar was at. Then we went to the bar, which was at the bar—at that same bar. It's just one room was the dining room and the other was the bar."
—to Jamie, about his date with Brandy
#1160
"It's not gonna be whenever you feel like it, cuz it's gonna have to be soon."
—to Tiffany (Casey), telling her when she has to discuss the abuse that happened to HER as a child
#1159
Cas3y:
"You have a history of this behavior. You talked about being boyfriend and girlfriend with those two kids."
Lorne:
"I know I did."
—about Molly and Mellissa.
#1158
"Yeah, well, that fucking bitch can get a job."
—to Ramona, about Betty, the elderly woman he stole $30,000 from who was saying negative things about him online (as told by Ramona before a call)
#1156
"Hunny, I'm not sure I can take a pic without my pecker being seen."
—text to Jamie, when she asked for a picture of his weight on his bathroom scale
#1155
"I never wanted to go there. Fuck, I've always fuckin'—I've always cared about kids. Why I ever fuckin' went there I don't know."
—to Tiffany, about going to the sting house
#1154
"Shawn and the polygrapher have been doing this shit for years."
—to Cas3y, about how his probation officer and polygrapher have been lying about him
#1153
"I don't consider that a woman. I consider that a witch. That's why she likes octopus and she likes spiders. So she can tangle people up in their web."
—to Ramona, about Emma
#1152
[said while sobbing like a toddler] "I give her my heart and she says something like that, and it just blows me away."
—to Emma, about Winnie, when she says she loves Dan
#1151
"Please say yes and put us back together where we belong."
—text to Jamie, after proposing to her on the phone
#1149
"If you mention Xavier Von Erck I'm gonna get angry, because he's a child molester."
—to Tiffany (Lorne brought up Xavier, not her)
#1147
"I think ... I think it's on my grandfather's side."
—to Ramona, when she asked how he's related to Abraham Lincoln
#1145
"You hear them words, Winnie? Listen to them words, Winnie."
—referring to the New Kids On The Block song "Please Don't Go Girl"
#1144
"I'm gonna say this right out straight so there's no mistake about it: Would you be my woman."
—to Tiffany (Debbie)
#1143
"And you have the place ... to say that my 81-year-old mother ... did a poor job of raising 6 kids?"
—to Cas3y (Lorne, whose counselors tell him he needs to REPARENT himself, is defending his mother's parenting record)
#1142
"And you flirted with him after he called me a fuckin' loser!"
—to Ramona, about the Therapist
#1141
Lorne:
"IT IS WHAT IT IS isn't the best thing to say."
Jamie:
"Why?"
Lorne:
"Because it's just trying to rub it in. It's like puttin' your thumb on it and brr—it's like puttin' your thumb on a blueberry and grinding it right in."
#1140
"I didn't hang up on you. I would never hang up on you. You're too much of a sweetheart."
—to Kayla, the 13-year-old decoy
#1138
"You know I'm smart, you know you love me, you know you wanna ... fuck my butthole."
—to Winnie
#1137
"I left the state because everybody was using me to the point that I couldn't think—I couldn't think straight at all."
—to Cas3y
#1135
"If you're pregnant, yes, I will be the baby's dad, and I will love it because it's a part of you ... ... Let's just hope you're not pregnant."
—to Jamie
#1133
"When am I gonna fuckin' mean something to you?! How long do I have to fuckin' wait to mean something to you?!"
—to Tiffany
#1131
"Just had to stand in front of a microphone and start singin'."
—to Cas3y, about how he was able to get so many women