#2114

"I don't even have a hanking at all for a beer." 

—to Ramona (not a typo—he said hanking)

#2113

"I will put clothes on when you're here... if we really need to have clothes on." 

—to Cas3y, when he was planning Cas3y's first visit

#2112

"I'm gonna make a cast of my cock and send it to you. I don't want you to argue with me about it please. I'm having a really hard time here and I need you to have me there." 

—text to Jamie

#2111

"I just had a banana and watermelon for dinner." 

—text to Cas3y 

#2110

Ramona, about the Doctor:
"Why are you so obsessed with this guy?"

Lorne:
"Because you're MAKIN' me obsessed!"

#2109

"I'm sorry I'm getting pissed cuz I fuckin'—I hate the fuckin' internet! It's caused me a fuckin' world a' hurt!"

—to Emma

"2108

"I'm trying something completely different to get me out of the un-trust with you."

—to Winnie

#2107

"I wanna know how I became NOTHING to you!"

—to Jamie

#2106

"His mind was so focused on being able to get into a young ass that the voice didn't matter to him." 

—to Emma, about Stanley not picking up on fake voices (seriously)

#2105

"How can you possibly even let this stuff happen?" 

—to Jamie, about Will's amnesia

#2104

"I doubt it but I wouldn't doubt it at the same time."

—to Emma, about Nikki possibly being a prostitute 

#2103

"She's 80-years-worth of being a real woman."

—to Jamie, about Mama Gwen

#2102

"I love you. Don't EVER fuckin' go a fuckin' day without talking to me again."

—Tiffany (Casey)

#2101

"Tell that bird I said he can't have Debbie, go play with his own pecker."

—to Will and Winnie, about a bird

#2100

"You've got 2 months and 4 weeks until you come here!"

—to Winnie

#2099

"Until I'm over you, it's considered cheating to me." 

—to Ramona, after they both agreed to see other people

#2098

"I don't WANNA be teased all the time! And that's what brought me to fucking tears today! Because you KEPT! FUCKING! TEASING ME!" 

—to Winnie

#2097

"I love YOU, and that's the only reason I bow down to some of the crap that you hand me." 

—to Tiffany (Casey)

#2096

"Guess what. It is not gonna be very much longer that he's gonna be walking around without a shirt, his cock hangin' out, ready to stick his dick in you, and I'm gonna be out lookin' for another woman."

—to Winnie, about Dan

#2095

"It's NOT hard to understand! You want me, you want ME! Crooked fuckin' broken dick and all!" 

—to Casey (Winnie)

#2094

"The big reason why I wanted my compu—my computer back was so that I could keep an eye on what people were doin'. Like findin' things in the store with my face on 'em, without my permission." 

—to Tiffany (Debbie), about making sure stores weren't selling Lorne Armstrong merchandise

#2093

"All I can ask you to do is give me 100% of you again." 

—to Ramona

#2092

"You have to let air get to your muscles." 

—to YouTube viewers, about the importance of resting between sets during workouts

#2091

"Does that make you happy? That you got a—you got a virgin tongue butthole fucker." 

—to Jamie

#2090

"You gotta realize, Mom, that Ralph and Laurie are not angels! They're pieces a' shit!"

—to Mama Gwen, about her two oldest children

#2089

"Every guy you invite over your house makes my love go away." 

—to Winnie

#2088

"She is so much in my fuckin' heart, it's unreal." 

–to Will, about Jamie

#2087

"I don't abuse you on a daily basis."

—to Jamie

#2086

Will (to Cas3y): 

"I can hear the steam coming out of his ears, trying to think."

Lorne:

"Ahhbdeh—I think that's probably your own steam in your own eyes, Will."

#2085

"If you said I got my booty busted by my WIFE, you know, that I might smile about." 

—to Winnie

#2084

Jamie:

"I'll be better soon, I can feel it. It's time to make that dollar-dollar bill, y'all."

Lorne:

"Uhll—that—that dollar-dollar dough has to wait until you feel better."

#2083

"All I've ever wanted was for her and me to have a fuckin' fair chance, but covid hit and fucked it right at the fuck up." 

—to Will, about Jamie (not a typo—that's how he said it)

#2082

"I think we've lied to each other enough." 

—to Winnie 

#2081

"You gotta know that the guy wants to treat you as a special person.... not just because you're a sex tool."

—to Rhoda, Lorne's 18-year-old "stepdaughter"

#2080

"I'm gonna point the cam at my penis because I look like shit, okay?"

—to Kayla, the 13-year-old decoy

#2079

Winnie:
"Your weird cock head looks like a piece of popcorn on the end of a chopstick that was accidentally melted and to the side."

Lorne:
"Do you love me?"

#2078

"I'm not gonna lie to you and say that I don't need AA, but I don't need AA."

—to Tiffany (Debbie)

#2077

"I don't have tits, I have a chest. Women have tits."

—to Jamie

#2076

"You were my master drunker."

—to Dan

#2075

"I stuck my tongue all the way in. All of what I had of my tongue."

—to Cas3y, about performing oral sex on a woman

#2074

"You better keep your fuckin' pussy covered! At least—nyehh—dehh—keep fuckin' guys away from your goddamn pussy!" 

—to Winnie

#2073

"You have been in our relationship longer than we have!"

—to Will, about Jamie

#2072

"I have to register AS a sex offender! I am NOT a sex offender!"

—to Ramona

#2071

Winnie:
"You're Mr. Penis."

Lorne:
"Yeah, and you're my mate."

#2070

"You are the ONLY ONE, including Emma—you are the ONLY ONE that has a fuckin' chance to have a full fuckin' trust in ME." 

—to Tiffany (Casey)

#2069

"I kiss your picture every morning." 

—to Winnie 

#2068

"I was fuckin' drunk! I'm still not fuckin' over bein' my drunk! I'm TRYING to get over bein' my drunk."

—to Ramona

#2067

"My butt is NOT flat, honey. Trust me."

—to Jamie

#2066

"I don't want a fuckin' thing to do with him anymore! Fuckin' turnin' his bullshit right around, blamin' his fuckin' pecker comin' out of his pants on me!" 

—voicemail to Debbie, about Will

#2065

"If you didn't pull BULLSHIT, we never would'a not been ourselves." 

—to Winnie