—to Rhoda
An Archive Of Utterances By A Man So Smart It Will Make Your Head Spin!
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#1752
"If you see something you want—get it! But get it legally. And get it in a moral way. Not in a SLUT way."
#1751
"I'll tell him, 'You knowww, I know somebody that would be PERFECT in your movies.' That's what I'll tell him. I'll say, 'I have the perfect person for you to—to play in your next movie.'"
—to Cas3y, about how he will get her parts in Stephen King's movies
#1749
"Sometimes I don't like to SAY that I'm shitting. Sometimes I like that privacy. Sometimes I want alone-time with my shit."
—to Emma
#1747
"Who in their right mind would watch a fuckin' porn video of somebody that tried to kill you?"
–to Winnie, about Debbie watching a video of Angelo
#1743
"Hey, is the doctor there laughing with you?! Because the way you're putting it off, the doctor's right there fuckin' laughing with you, and probably waggin' his fuckin' dink."
—to Ramona
#1742
"You don't prefer steak to flounder, but you certainly do prefer impressing people over your husband."
—to Winnie
#1740
"Leave them motherfuckers right there, FUCK 'em! They'll melt and they'll fuckinnn'—Roscoe and Sadie'll lick 'em up. FUCK 'EM! Besides mom, those motherfuckin' cubes—ice cubes are the only ahhhh-and Roscoe and Sadie are the only ones I can fuckin' rely on!"
—to Roy, who dropped some ice cubes on Lorne's floor
#1739
"Sylvester Stallone may have—might actually have to literally come out here and meet my probation officer."
—to Emma, when Lorne was trying to get his SAG card so he could work with Sylvester Stallone
#1738
Dan, about Emma:
"This is TMI, but she's defecating. I must have knocked somethin' loose earlier."
Lorne:
"Good job, Dan. I'm proud of you, man. I'm gonna—I'm gonna knock some loo—some shit loose with—with Winnie, too."
#1736
"If some fat-ass, scrawny bitch did that to me, their ass would be in jail."
—to Tiffany (Casey)
#1735
"Probably your sister's got one. Ask her if you can you use it."
—to Winnie, asking her to use her sister's dildo
#1734
"No, you're NOT gonna hear the asshole story!!"
—to Nathanielette and Emma, when they asked WHY he showed Ramona his literal ashole
#1729
Winnie:
"Your asshole smells like Roy's cum and gloryhole cheese."
Lorne:
"How do you know what Roy's cum smells like?"
#1728
"Do you not understand what homophobic is?! It means that you don't want anything to do with homophobes! You can be friends with homophobes, but you don't fuckin' let homophobes near you!"
—to Nathanielette
#1727
Lorne:
"He's actually a blood cousin?"
Ramona:
"No, he's my oil cousin. We're related by oil."
Lorne:
"So he's like a cousin."
#1725
"You bein' a female... when I mention my mom... and you're sayin' that you wanna marry me... the last thing you should ever say is, 'punch my mom in the fuckin' throat.'"
—to Tiffany (Casey)
#1724
"I couldn't get you to stay off that stupid thing. But no, you couldn't do that. Now you're engorged in it."
—to Jamie, about her being online
#1722
"I sent you a message... saying that... I guess you don't want me in your life... because you sure didn't give a fuck about calling me."
—voicemail to Debbie
#1719
"You said that I don't matter when you grabbed the guy's fuckin' hand and put it on your tit!"
—to Winnie
#1718
"I'm getting tired of not talking to you. I love you. I'm hoping that if you wake up you'll be tired of not talking to me too."
—text to Jamie
#1716
"See? You can't stop saying that stupid phrase that came from another guy.... an INTERNET guy."
—text to Jamie, about Cheffrey
#1715
"Why don't you delete that voicemail... put another one on there that says you're a piece of shit."
—voicemail to Tiffany (Debbie)
#1714
"You're leading guys on. Makin'—makin' them follow you. Wigglin' your ass so they will follow you."
—to Winnie
#1713
Lorne:
"Stop getting frustrated."
Debbie:
"Well, it's just f*king spit it out, you know what I mean?"
Lorne:
"Whaa-aah—How do you want me to spit out what I don't know what exactly what's in my head yet?"
#1710
"Tony was my best friend. Well, he was an odd best friend because he screwed a lot of people, including me."
—to Cas3y
#1709
Tiffany (Winnie):
"I don't know if you know this, Lorne, but women don't need constant dick pics. Especially of a f*cked up dick."
Lorne:
"So I guess you don't need me."
#1708
"IF YOU LOVE ME, YOU DON'T WANT ANOTHER GUY'S CUM ON YOU! YOU'D WANT MINE AND THAT'S IT! IT'S LOVE, CASEY!"
#1707
"You're the one in your life that is always gonna be in your life. You're the only one that is always gonna be in your life."
—to Winnie
#1706
"We used to be on the phone for over two hours, sometimes longer. You put me in the back seat and Donkey Kong in the front seat."
—text to Jamie
#1705
"Yuh, a deep tissue massage... that means he's gonna fuck you. A deep tissue massage right in your pussy."
—to Winnie
#1704
"[Maria] said I still don't think I did anything wrong. Listen to the YouTube channel "Lorne's Redemption." That should tell you. It's me reading my chatlog with a friend. You will want to read the comments too. Even from celebrities."
—letter to Matt the lawyer, about one of Maria's "9 lies"
#1703
Ramona:
"You're such a gentleman, Lorne."
Lorne:
"Well, I know. Too bad it's taken you nine fuckin' months to realize it."
Ramona:
"Well, I was being sarcastic in that statement."