#2094

"The big reason why I wanted my compu—my computer back was so that I could keep an eye on what people were doin'. Like findin' things in the store with my face on 'em, without my permission." 

—to Tiffany (Debbie), about making sure stores weren't selling Lorne Armstrong merchandise

#2093

"All I can ask you to do is give me 100% of you again." 

—to Ramona

#2092

"You have to let air get to your muscles." 

—to YouTube viewers, about the importance of resting between sets during workouts

#2091

"Does that make you happy? That you got a—you got a virgin tongue butthole fucker?" 

—to Jamie

#2090

"You gotta realize, Mom, that Ralph and Laurie are not angels! They're pieces a' shit!"

—to Mama Gwen, about her two oldest children

#2089

"Every guy you invite over your house makes my love go away." 

—to Winnie

#2088

"She is so much in my fuckin' heart, it's unreal." 

–to Will, about Jamie 

#2087

"I don't abuse you on a daily basis."

—to Jamie

#2086

Will (to Cas3y): 

"I can hear the steam coming out of his ears, trying to think."

Lorne:

"Ahhbdeh—I think that's probably your own steam in your own eyes, Will."

#2085

"If you said I got my booty busted by my WIFE, you know, that I might smile about." 

—to Winnie

#2084

Jamie:

"I'll be better soon, I can feel it. It's time to make that dollar-dollar bill, y'all."

Lorne:

"Uhll—that—that dollar-dollar dough has to wait until you feel better."

#2083

"All I've ever wanted was for her and me to have a fuckin' fair chance, but covid hit and fucked it right at the fuck up." 

—to Will, about Jamie (not a typo—that's how he said it)

#2082

"I think we've lied to each other enough." 

—to Winnie 

#2081

"You gotta know that the guy wants to treat you as a special person.... not just because you're a sex tool."

—to Rhoda, Lorne's 18-year-old "stepdaughter"

#2080

"I'm gonna point the cam at my penis because I look like shit, okay?"

—to Kayla, the 13-year-old decoy

#2079

Winnie:
"Your weird cock head looks like a piece of popcorn on the end of a chopstick that was accidentally melted and to the side."

Lorne:
"Do you love me?"

#2078

"I'm not gonna lie to you and say that I don't need AA, but I don't need AA."

—to Tiffany (Debbie)

#2077

"I don't have tits, I have a chest. Women have tits."

—to Jamie

#2076

"You were my master drunker."

—to Dan

#2075

"I stuck my tongue all the way in. All of what I had of my tongue."

—to Cas3y, about performing oral sex on a woman

#2074

"You better keep your fuckin' pussy covered! At least—nyehh—dehh—keep fuckin' guys away from your goddamn pussy!" 

—to Winnie

#2073

"You have been in our relationship longer than we have!"

—to Will, about Jamie

#2072

"I have to register AS a sex offender! I am NOT a sex offender!"

—to Ramona

#2071

Winnie:
"You're Mr. Penis."

Lorne:
"Yeah, and you're my mate."

#2070

"You are the ONLY ONE, including Emma—you are the ONLY ONE that has a fuckin' chance to have a full fuckin' trust in ME." 

—to Tiffany (Casey)

#2069

"I kiss your picture every morning." 

—to Winnie 

#2068

"I was fuckin' drunk! I'm still not fuckin' over bein' my drunk! I'm TRYING to get over bein' my drunk."

—to Ramona

#2067

"My butt is NOT flat, honey. Trust me."

—to Jamie

#2066

"I don't want a fuckin' thing to do with him anymore! Fuckin' turnin' his bullshit right around, blamin' his fuckin' pecker comin' out of his pants on me!" 

—voicemail to Debbie, about Will

#2065

"If you didn't pull BULLSHIT, we never would'a not been ourselves." 

—to Winnie 

#2064

"I'm sorry about wanting pictures from you. But I don't know why I'm saying sorry because I'm not sorry about wanting pictures from you." 

—to Jamie

#2063

"Well, baby, I hope you clean your stink-ass cuz I don't wanna smell stink, I wanna—I wanna be able to get down there and eat." 

—to Winnie

#2062

"'We're broken up! We're broken up! We're broken up!'  You say that fucking CONSTANTLY! When you say that constantly like that, I get tired of hearing it! Then I finally say, 'Okay, she's just fuckin' said it enough times, she must not fuckin' want me!' "

—to Jamie

#2061

"She liked me more than she did James but she slept with him because she liked me more." 

—to Will, about Paula 

(Editor's note: Yes, he said this)

#2060

"It sits on your finger. It's just a reminder of me, so when you look down at it you can think about me." 

—to Cas3y, about a ring he wants to give her, proving that even his gifts are given for selfish reasons

#2059

"What's the name of the other moon that's on Mars?"

—to Jamie

#2058

"I've never given such a fuck, and cared so much and... I've never been hurt by such little things so easily."

—to Will, about how Lorne loves Jamie more than he's ever loved anyone

#2057

Lorne:

"The temperature in here now is 32 degrees."

Winnie:

"How come you don't fuckin' find a way for your dogs to be warm, idiot?"

Lorne:

"They have COATS on—they ARE warm."

(Editor's note: 32° Fahrenheit = 0°Celsius, the point of freezing. Also, see quote #2039)

#2056

"Nathaniel hacked off your fuckin' phone."

—to Ramona

#2055

Winnie:
"You're being inappropriate."

Lorne:
"Yeah, but it's with the woman I'm in love with, so it's okay."

#2054

"I'm sick of you not wanting to be here."

—to Jamie

#2053

"You wanna keep fuckin' around with Dan-love and bein' a Dan-lover?"

—to Winnie 

#2052

"I am not gonna laugh at things that are not laughable about."

—to Emma, when he didn't find it funny that she called him "Mr. Penis"

#2051

"I just went to pee too. You should have held it for me. I had a hard-on." 

—text to Cas3y

#2050

"I don't defend what I did. I defend what I know I did not WANT to do."

—to the Therapist, about trying to molest a 13-year-old

#2049

"I've had a lot of people tell me that I look like Justin Timberlake."

—to Cas3y & Jamie

I was going to label the picture, but I forget which one is Lorne.

#2048

"I'm not making you happy because you're not making ME happy!"

—to Ramona

#2047

"Alright, let's go."

—to Silent Rick, who did not exist

#2046

"I'd compare [your boobs] to... a balloon full of... actually a balloon full of water. Full of water so it's... tight."

—to Jamie

#2045

"I do think that Iraq had something to do with it; that there was somethin' between Saddam Hussein and Bin Laden. I'm sure they talked a few times, I'm sure."

—to Paul Mauro, about 9/11