87 Quotes - A Lorne Armstrong Blog: July 2023

#184

“How we gonna have stuff to talk about if we don't start talkin' on the phone to find stuff to talk about?"

—to Cas3y

#183

Lorne:
"I thought I heard some race cars in the background."

Winnie:
"That was me. I was farting."

Lorne:
"Those are some talented farts."

"The questions that they ask literally make me sick. I've literally gotten sick ... from the questions. When they ask me these questions, my blood just drains from the body and it—it makes the machine react. And so it causes me to fail the test."

—to Jamie

#181

"I've spent a lot of time playing dumb."

—to Tiffany (Debbie)

#180

"You've really never heard of a vasectomy before? Where a guy gets his tubes snipped in his nutsack?"

—to Cas3y

#179

"See, there ya go, fuckin' coke-head .... bitch .... cunt-hole .... slut-face .... Dan lover."

—to Winnie

#178

Lorne:
"For a date with you I'd like to do something relaxing. And enjoyable."

Cas3y:
"Like walking around the mall?"

Lorne:
"Yeah. Just to check stuff out—see what else is there."

#177

"I no longer like monkeys now because I don't have your attention. Donkey Kong does."

—text to Jamie

#176

Debbie:
"You [and Winnie] haven't spent a single minute together."

Lorne:
"We have spent hours and hours and hours on the phone together, day after day."

Debbie:
"Screaming at each other?"

Lorne:
"It doesn't matter. It's getting to know each other."

#175

"I brought both my nieces and nephew shopping—clothes shopping. My niece ... snuck a fuckin' pair of short shorts in there. Tight shorts. And I didn't even know that I bought 'em .... because she did it when I was not looking. She threw 'em in the fucking cart when I was not looking. I didn't even know that they were in there. So THERE'S your fuckin' short shorts, Winnie! Close-minded fuckin', Winnie! Xavier-minded, Winnie!"

—to Winnie

#174

"A woman has sensitive areas. One spot is behind her ear. One is on her elbow, one is on her side. One is behind her knee. That actually ... creates a sensation in the body and ... and a woman can get turned on from that."

—to Cas3y

#173

"You better get this motherfucker right the fuck away from us! Cuz I'm fuckin' tellin' ya ... you brought the motherfucker in."

—to Ramona, about the Doctor

#172

"They came and searched my house ... because I failed the polygraph test. Why I failed it—I fail—I failed it because my blood drained out of my body when they ask me these questions ... cuz they—they make me sick now."

—to Jamie

#171

"Doesn't that suck? Doesn't that suck that I'm so smart that I can figure this out?"

—to Tiffany (Debbie), about her working for Xavier

#170

"Most of the dates I've been on have been going to bars, going to karaoke bars, and getting drunk.”

—to Cas3y

#169

“I'm breaking up with you because you're a fuckin' cokehead fuckin' Xavier lover."

—to Winnie

#168

"I am so fucking telling you, I am fed up with this motherfucker."

—to Ramona, about the Doctor

#167

"Do you plan on spending your life with Donkey Kong?"

—text to Jamie

#166

"It doesn't matter if she shit herself or not, she's a special woman."

—to Tiffany (Debbie), about Winnie

#165

“The sting wasn't fun for me. It messed me up a bit.”

—to Cas3y

#164

Debbie:
"What do you love about [Winnie]?"

Lorne:
"I love the way she is. I love the way she acts. I love the way she pays attention to me."

#163

"Yeah, she was just my friend, even though we both knew that we were gonna be working toward something more."

—to Cas3y, about Paula

#162

"A slut is somebody that brings unknown guys and fucks anybody she can. That's what a slut is. As long as they have a dick attached, they're all for it."

—to Tiffany (Debbie)

#161

"I didn't mean to call you a faggot. I apologize for that."

—to Dan

#160

Lorne:
"From what I know, [sex] hurts a woman, but it feels good to the woman. So it's a good—it's a good kind of hurt."

Cas3y:
"What does that mean? What hurts?"

Lorne:
"The male's penis going into the vagina, spreading apart the female's tubes—vaginal tubes. It hurts but it feels good to the female."

#159

"With Casey [our relationship] would be face-to-face. Casey's someone I already met, I've already been face-to-face with—not in a good situation but—that's a connection that me and her have."

—to Tiffany (Debbie)

#158

"Are you done singin' about some other guy's cock in your fuckin' pussy?"

—to Winnie

#157

"Every dog I've had is a really good dog. Because they love me."

—to Cas3y

#156

"She got coke on the brain and your cock in her ass."

—to Dan, about Winnie

#155

Lorne:
“I actually do love [Winnie], regardless of—of—all the things that she—her little quirks. I love her.”

Debbie:
"Her 'little quirks' like ... throwing shit?"

Lorne:
"Yeah."

Debbie:
"Reaching into her pants and throwing shit is one of her 'quirks'?

Lorne:
"Yeah. Yeah."

Debbie:
"Farting constantly is one of her 'quirks'?"

Lorne:
"Yeah."

Debbie:
"Flashing people is one of her 'quirks'? Shoving random things up her pussy is 'a quirk'?

Lorne:
"Yeah."

Debbie:
"Screaming in public is a 'quirk'?"

Lorne:
"..... Yeah."

#154

“When you love someone, you do things that don't make sense.”

—to Cas3y

#153

"Sad thing is, is that the more you do this shit, the more I like Dan, because Dan hasn't done anything."

—to Winnie

#152

"All I want is a chance for me and Casey to find out what's there. I don't want that chance to be slipped away because someone thought it might not be a good idea."

—to Tiffany (Debbie), before he ever had any contact with "Casey"

#151

"You don't like me—why. Cuz your sister has some guy named Bob comin' over tonight?"

—to Winnie

#150

Lorne:
"The male inserts his penis into the female's vagina, and they have sex. The male will ... slide his penis in, pull his penis out and back, slide it in again, continuously, until finally, his sperm will let go into the female's vagina."

Cas3y:
"What do you mean, 'lets go'?"

Lorne:
"Until the male's sperm rises from the scrotum, into his penis, and then squirts into the female's vagina, and mixes with the female's eggs. And providing if the female's eggs are fertile and the male's sperm is fertile, that'll create a baby."

#149

"At least I smile when you say I'm your bitch."

—Tiffany (Debbie)

#148

Lorne:
"I'd get all wound up."

Cas3y:
"Define 'wound up.'"

Lorne:
"They'd wind me up by having Winnie do stupid shit."

#147

"If she actually gave a fuck about you, she wouldn't be trying to send some guy over to you that—might possibly have a disease—to fuck you."

—to Winnie, about Debbie

#146

"The male private area ... is called the penis ... and the nutsack."

—to Cas3y

#145

"I'm in love with that stupid fucking cunt!"

—to Emma, about Winnie

#144

"She didn't start out pooping her pants.”

—to Cas3y, about Winnie

#143

"I put you at mom's fucking level. That's where I put you.”

—to Tiffany (Debbie)

#142

Will:
"Why do you love [Jamie] so much?"

Lorne:
"She's so fuckin' special. I love the way she is with me. Even when she gets mad at me and lectures me and shit I just fuckin' love it. I love everything about her."

#141

"As for her living with me—fuck that. She can play with her own shit in California. I'll just fuck her and then send her back."

—text to Jamie, about Winnie

#140

"I put every fuckin' part of my heart into you, and you're constantly trying to be fake with me."

—to Winnie

#139

"Think about this next time: When you get hurt, put your fuckin' power in me and your trust in me and fuckin'—have your ass sent up here where you'll actually be treated like a fuckin' human.”

—Tiffany (Debbie)

#138

"Maybe I'll take her to a football game, have her wear a miniskirt with no panties on, and put her on my shoulders and press her naked pussy on my neck. Then yell out, "ROLL TIDE, BRO!"

—to Jamie, about Winnie

#137

"I got an addiction to cigarettes, you got an addiction to Rawd."

—to Jamie

#136

”Did you get drunk? Who'd you show your titties to?”

—to Winnie

#135

Will:
"What do you miss the most [about Jamie]?"

Lorne:
"It may sound stupid, but I miss her interrupting me and calling me names."

#134

"Flirting is not a game!"

—to Tiffany (Debbie)

#133

"You can't get your FUCKING face away from FUCKING Dan. So you don't love me."

—to Winnie

#132

"But what she did hurt me, too. It's like she was on the edge of cheating on me."

—to Will, about Jamie

#131

"So he gets to see you walkin' around in your pajamas, and see you ... in your home life."

—to Cas3y, about Alex

#130

"When you called that's what I was doin'—was watchin' TV and starin' at your posters. I even smelled your panties."

—to Jamie

#129

"I want you to send me a few pictures OF YOU. You ... in ... different ... looks—yehhhm ... with your hair dry ... OF YOU."

—to Winnie

#128

"Maybe I'm being too un-understanding about that."

—to Will

#127

"I'm gonna get in the shower—shortly here. I know you probably don't want another picture of me in the shower, but maybe it'll help you."

—voicemail to Winnie

#126

"I'm kinda caught in the middle of not knowin' what to think."

—to Will

#125

"We were just drunk and her and I were flirtin' with each other and .... I stuck my toe in her pussy."

—to Cas3y

#124

"I just—ennggh—happened to look at my phone and it said 'one missed call' and I looked at it ... said you called me a minute ago, so I called you back, but ... you're not answerin', so I guess you found someone else to talk to."

—voicemail to Winnie

#123

"I didn't hear the question. I was hearing what you were saying, but I didn't hear the question."

—to Cas3y

#122

"I don't wanna have to look at you and know, He's puttin' the boots to my fuckin' wife and I gotta be okay with it."

—to Will

#121

"I guess it's quite obvious you got your attention on some fuckin' guy so you can't answer your goddamn phone!"

—voicemail to Winnie

#120

"I know for a fuckin' fact that I'm not fuckin' ugly. Ain't no—nobuh—nobuh—nobody in the goddamn world will ever fuckin' convince me that I'm fuckin' ugly, cuz I know I'm not."

—to Emma

#119

"Yup, I just fuckin' sneezed. I must be allergic to fuckin' bullshit."

—voicemail to Winnie

#118

"I'm not bein' antagonistic towards you, I'm bein' antagonistic towards the situation."

—to Dan

#117

"You wanna push your goddamn luck with fuckin' Dan, you go ahead. But you will wind up sucking Dan's cock, never fucking touching mine."

—to Winnie

#116

"If you give a fuck about me, you're not gonna care about how much fuckin' money I have! Because in fuckin' five days' time, if I get the right jobs, I can make your bank account look like shit!"

—to Ramona

#115

"I'm telling you right now, I think you're fuckin' hot as fuck ... in that fuckin' picture. Even with your hair wet, your fuckin' dimples, just—just fucking gorgeous."

—to Winnie

#114

"I can't help that I'm attractive, Dan!"

#113

"Yeah, you don't love me. Dan lover."

—to Winnie

#112

"You're still my girl, so keep others away. We're just pausing until you get here or give me your real number."

—text to Cas3y

#111

"It's obvious you put some time into writing that song. I don't know why the fuck you couldn't have written a song that would have actually said something decent in it. Instead of fuckin' trying to make fun of my mother."

—voicemail to Winnie

#110

"You're a fuckin' goddess to me, regardless if I'm drunk and saying stupid shit."

—to Ramona

#109

"Are you anxious to touch my penis?"

—to Kayla, the 13-year-old decoy

#108

"I'm so much—so much betting that when we're face-to-face there ain't nearly as many problems are gonna happen."

—to Will, about Jamie

#107

"The psych evaluation is just to tell you where your brain is at. It's not a mental evaluation, as in if you're retarded or something. It tells you— she actually gives you tests. To see where your brain is at."

—to Cas3y

#106

"I don't hide my cock from you, Jamie. You already know that."

—to Jamie

#105

"Stop trying to lose me!"

—to Winnie

#104

Jamie:
"Why do you type quotes around Rawd's name?"

Lorne:
"Because Rawd is all your brain is consumed with right now."

#103

"You shouldn't get any temptations to touch anyone else's weiner. Not if you love me."

—to Winnie

#102

"Listen. It's fuckin' 3 o'clock in the morning, and this shit's happenin' all over again. My words are gettin' fuckin' taken to a literal fuckin' spot and they're gettin' used against me."

—to Will

#101

"It's sad that you had so much attention on Donkey Kong that I was gettin' forgotten."

—to Jamie

#100

"You always wanted to sit on my face and fart. So I guess you must like Joseph. You- you- you wanted to sit on his face and fart, and you did."

—to Winnie

#99

"Every time you do stupid shit like that you lose me a little more."

—to Winnie

#98

Cas3y:
"Name a single trait you loved about her."

Lorne:
".... Just .... all the time we spent together."

#97

"I just wanna know what your life is during the day."

—to Jamie

#96

"How much are you willing to lose me for this fucking queer?"

—to Winnie, about Dan

#95

"I like to know what my friends look like."

—to Will

#94

"Say 'I love you, Lorne.' Will you say that for me?"

—to Winnie

#93

"I'm not mocking her in a bad way."

—to Cas3y

#92

"You gotta look in the bible. There's a picture of an angel, and she's female."

—to Winnie

#91

"I told you before: you need to fall out of love with her."

—to Jamie, about Maggie Jo

#90

Winnie:
"I love you."

Lorne:
"No, you don't. You just love cock. And you're able to find it any way you can."

#89

"I'm telling you right now I'm not selfish. I might have certain ways that I am ... but I haven't given it a lot of thought."

—to Will

#88

"I wanna love you so fuckin' much, and I do love you so fuckin' much. And I get wound up because I know what the internet can do."

—to Jamie

87/87

"So don't fuckin' try to climb a goddamn ladder that you can't fuckin' accept that you don't fuckin' earn."

—to Winnie

#86

Winnie:
"Are you ready to talk now, you little monkey twat?"

Lorne:
"Why, cuz you got every other guy's dick in you tonight?"

#85

"I'll give you a good ol' down-home country-boy ass whoopin', bitch!"

—to GG

#84

"You already know I'm in love with you. The only thing I give a flyin' rat's ass about—is you. And mom."

—to Winnie

#83

"I wanted [my parents] to teach me about sex, like they should have done. Instead of me waiting until I was 17 and my brother-in-law winding up teaching me."

—to Cas3y

#82

Winnie:
"It's not my job to make you feel secure."

Lorne:
"Yes, it is. You're my wife."

#81

"You brought me to the point of me cryin'! You brought me to that fuckin' point, because you don't give a fuck about me, after I fuckin' put all of me into you."

—to Tiffany (Debbie)

#80

"I knew what sex was. I knew that ... sticking the pecker in the vagina was having sex. But I didn't know the small things about it. I wanted to know more in detail about it. Like exactly how everything worked, you know, and how ... how ... nuhh ... how the woman had to be fertile in order to have a baby and ... and ... how the seed went up into the woman and met with the egg ... and ... formed a baby."

—to Cas3y

#79

"You're not fucking sorry you're a slut!"

—to Winnie

#78

"I'll always hope for sex with you, because I like you that much."

—to Cas3y

#77

"There's a lot of good lookin' women here [...] and they're lookin' at me too. But I don't confront 'em because I have better things to do."

—to Tiffany (Debbie)

#76

"Why are you so concentratin' on that?"

—to Jamie

#75

"I love you because I love the way you are."

—to Cas3y

#74

"You found a way to cheat on your boyfriend without cheatin' on your boyfriend. Good job. Congratulations."

—to Winnie

#73

"Casey, we've known each other for a year now. You think I'm just sittin' around playin' with my dink and my toes?"

—to Cas3y

#72

Winnie:
"My daughter just died!"

Lorne:
"Stop it! You need to calm your ass down!"

#71

"I am the only fucking chance that you have at a good fucking life, and a fucking decent life!"

—Tiffany (Casey)

#70

"I didn't know you were falling asleep. I just knew I had you on the phone and I was making you a part of my life."

—to Jamie

A Shexual Number

Lorne:
"Stop puttin' words in my mouth."

Cas3y:
"You just said it!"

Lorne:
"Yeah, I said it, but it's not what I meant."

#68

"It's not funny when you cheat on me."

—to Winnie

#67

"You threatened me with Will's cock!"

—to Jamie

#66

"This internet fucking bullshit is just ... is just rockin' my fuckin' world."

—to Tiffany (Casey)

#65

"I thought that would be rather special that I told you that."

—to Cas3y, about a wet dream he had when he was 12

#64

"You mean a shitload to me."

—to Ramona

#63

"You and I are 3500 miles away. Every second that you and I get to spend together is fuckin' extremely precious—to both of us—whether you fuckin' know it or not."

—to Winnie

#62

"I don't like wasting my life. It sucks."

—to Cas3y

#61

"I was sortin' out fuckin' feelings of memories that I had, not knowing that my memories were all fuckin' lies!"

—to Jamie

#60

"You think you're tough, motherfucker?! Don't think you're fucking tough, bitch! If I meet you in fuckin' person, I'll fuckin' beat your goddamn ass, scrawny! I WEIGH 200 FUCKIN' POUNDS!"

—to Eric

#59

"Are you cheating on me STILL?!

—to Winnie

#58

"Did I hope for sex with you? Damn straight. Because I like you. A lot."

—to Cas3y

#57

"Don't try to pull the fuckin' flip ... trick ... and flip everything on me."

—to Ramona

#56

"I get lost in how I feel about you."

—to Jamie

#55

"Diseases are getting worse than just the herpes. That's just a little glitch disease."

—to Tiffany (Debbie)

#54

"I'm not the happiest camper in town right now."

—to Jamie

#53

"I didn't like being catfished."

—to Cas3y

#52

"Put that motherfucker on the phone, and I'll tell him to go fuck him-fuckin'-self."

—to Winnie

#51

Lorne:
"Out of anybody, you and I are the ones that ... would do the best."

Cas3y:
"What?"

Lorne:
"I said out of anybody in the situation like we were in, I think you and I are the ones that could do the best—better than anybody that would be in that situation."

Cas3y:
"What?"

Lorne:
"I said out of anybody that would be in the situation like you and I was in, w-w-we are—you and I are the ones that could do ... our best—the best in that type of situation. Coming out of that situation."

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