#1908

"How can we be together when you don't wanna be with me?" 

—to Jamie

#1907

"He's got his little discifles emailing me."

—to Cas3y, about Alex Jones (not a typo - two times he pronounced 'disciples' with an F instead of a P)

#1906

"If you REALLY wanna know if I have Christmas trees here, fuckin' get here!"

—to Jamie

#1905

"I might as well forgive you since you're just gonna end up doing it again anyway."

—to Winnie, after she cheated on him

#1904

"Last night, I thought you were the fuckin' greatest woman in the world, with the exception of my mom. You had only her to compete with."

—to Tiffany (Winnie)

#1903

Winnie:
"I love polka-dots!"

Lorne:
"I wanna poke your dot."

#1902

"I might be a fuckin' hillbilly but I'm a SMART motherfuckin' hillbilly!"

—to Paul M

#1901

"I love the fuck out of you and you don't give a shit about me!"

—to Jamie

#1900

Lorne:
"You might wanna be careful on—on sugar-free shit."

Winnie:
"Why?"

Lorne:
"Cuz it'll make ya have to take a shit, when ya—when you don't even know that you have to take one."

#1899

"You can't bring a guy into your life just because he has a dick."

—to Rhoda

#1898

"Somewhere along the way I got called a molester. [Starts to cry] That was so fuckin' upsetting!"

—to Dan

#1897

"YOU WANNA PLANT THAT COCKSUCKER AS SOME KIND OF FUCKIN' HIGH-VALUED PIECE A' SHIT!"

—to Jamie, about Rawd

#1896

"Mgnggh—that's why you let me believe you were gonna be dead for three weeks."

—to Winnie


[Editor's note: So she was going to be dead for 3 weeks? I hate how he talks]

#1895

"I was happy as a clam in shit when you said no."

—to Ramona

#1894

"For someone that is so smart you're extremely stupid."

—email to Alex Jones 

#1893

"Every male is a vagina expert."

—to the Psychotherapist 

#1892

"If that's the case then I'll let you go right now because there's a lot of other women that have a lot of crushes on me, and I'll go fuckin'—I'll go fuckin', ah... search them over." 

—to Winnie

#1891

"I'm floored by my fuckin' ignorance goin' over there." 

—to Emma, about going to Tony's house

#1890

"We need to change to fit each other."

—to Jaime 

#1889

"Does your sister approve of ham?" 

—to Winnie, about Debbie

#1888

"DID HE SHOW YOU HIS DICK TOO?!! NOT YET?!! WAS YOU FAWKIN' WORKIN' YOUR WAY THERE?!!" 

—to Jamie, about Tawd

#1887

"Do I need to 'check myself,' or do you need—do you fuckin' need to have GG clean your fuckin' VAGINA again?" 

—to Winnie

#1886

"In Maine a hitman is called a 'pussy'." 

—to Paul M

#1885

"You got me all fuckin' uncunnin' because'a this CHEFFREY and you sayin' no to me!"

—to Jamie, after he yelled another marriage proposal at her

#1884

"You've been a threat to every relationship i've had since I saw you in that interview that your hair was  straight."

—text to Cas3y

#1883

"Obviously you got a different feeling about your asshole because any guy will do."

—to Winnie

#1882

[Said while sobbing] "Every time I look at the chickens, I think of you.... because they were OURS."

—to Jamie

#1881

"I'll tell your mom to get you a vibrator, too."

—to Rhoda, his "stepdaughter"

#1880

"I have NEVER called you a bitch! Other than when it's just to YOU!"

—to Ramona, when she accused him of calling her a bitch to Emma, which he did

#1879

"I was a male slut before all the—all the fuckin'... that shit happened."

—to Tiffany (Debbie)

#1878

Winnie:
"I'm not on a drug."

Lorne:
"Yeah, you are."

Winnie:
"Nuh-uhh."

Lorne:
"No, you're probably on a cock."

#1877

Lorne:
"When you're here with me, you're not gonna think I'm so lame."

Tiffany (Casey):
"Yes, I will. Wanna make a bet?"

Lorne:
"Alright—leh-leh—let's use this—let's use this as an example.... okay.... if I decided to fuckin' sit down in the easy chair.... so, am I lame?"

#1876

"I'm YOUR man, and that's where my cock belongs—is with YOU."

—to Winnie

#1875

"Does your body want me?"

—to Jamie

#1874

"FIVE GUYS have seen my wife naked today."

—to Winnie

#1873

"Do you know you were on the edge of cheating on me?"

—to Jamie

#1872

Lorne:
"can I kiss your knee too? lol"

Kayla, the 13-year-old decoy:
"lol yeah but y"

Lorne:
"because it's a sexy knee and it's part of you so I wanna kiss it lol"

#1871

Dan, about Winnie:
"How can you blame her for lying if you don't know she's lying?"

Lorne:
"Because she shouldn't be lying to me about anything."

#1870

Lorne:
"Listen. You're a model. I was on a TV show. So—yenggh-uhngh—you see what I'm saying? You and I are no longer typical people. You and I need to watch out for what we do."

Tiffany (Debbie):
"So, you're saying it's the same thing as like—"

Lorne:
"Celebrity."

#1869

"You have a fetish with Emma—with the way Emma looks."

—to Winnie, because she called Emma fat

#1868

"IT'S YOUR FAVORITE WORD IS WILL!"

—to Jamie [not a typo—that's how he said it]

#1867

"You say you care about my mom, and then you go and call her a fuckin' gorilla! Isn't that fuckin' brilliant!"

—to Winnie

#1866

"It's not hard to get close to little kids—they touch a soft spot in...in everyone."

—to Will

#1865

"I'm not using you for information, I'm... tryin' to find—fuckin' find out shit that I don't know."

—to Emma

#1864

"I think mommy's gonna help you and I think you're gonna help her. You two were meant to be together."

—to Sadie (his dog), about Winnie

#1863

"The media would be all over us fast."

—text to Cas3y, about Lorne moving to California to be with her

#1862

"Stop and think about the way you're thinking about things!"

—to Winnie

#1861

"Your nipples aren't gonna cum."

—to Jamie

#1860

Winnie:
"My daughter was pregnant under [Debbie's] care, and I didn't even know about it 'til she was like 8 months along. I was trying to f*ckin' Kirby that bitch out of her uterus but it didn't work."

Lorne:
"Uhnngghgg—you were try'na—emgh—uhll-why the hell would you try to do somethin' like that. That's ignorant."

#1859

"It's SPECIAL to me because... you shared something with me—secretive with me. And I LOVE that."

—to Ramona, when she told Lorne that she wears a diaper