87 Quotes - A Lorne Armstrong Blog

#2135

"You haven't liked me for the last 4 days. That's a lot of not likin'."

—to Jamie

#2134

"Grab your fuckin' foreskin and stick it in your mouth."

—to Winnie/Emma, who was pretending to be a very drunk Roy

"And I KNOW my mom is gonna—will love you right to FUCKING death, if you treat her right. And I KNOW you'll treat her right because I know this BULLSHIT that you fucking say on the goddam phone is fucking HORSESHIT, because I KNOW how you'll be with my mom."

—to Tiffany (Casey)

#2132

"Your crush on fuckin' Dan better go."

—to Winnie

#2131

"I'm athletic, but I'm still not great at horseshoes."

—to Hannah

#2130

"Honey, will you stop spurt—squirting around the question."

—to Jamie

#2129

"Placenta pills should work exactly the same way."

—to Winnie, trying to convince her that placebo pills are as medically effective as a voodoo pigeon beak

#2128

"That's why you feel love for ME, because you're not in love with HIM."

—to Ramona (AFTER Lorne found out she was a catfish), telling her he knows she loves him and not her real boyfriend, Corey

#2127

"I don't want GUYS staying over your house! I don't want GUYS bringing you toilet paper!"

—to Winnie

#2126

"And my—and my uncle's 84 years old, and he couldn't—nngh—he had a hard time takin' care a' things at the end of his life. So—enngh—ennnhgh—dehgnhh—ennghg—do you wanna say something BAD about my 84-year-old DEAD uncle?"

—to Tiffany (Debbie)

#2125

Jamie:
"There isn't a game, Lorne. You broke up with me, yes or no?"

Lorne:
"YES, and you know I've been trying to get back together with you. But you're danglin' this fuckin' bullshit in front of my face."

Jamie:
"Then we aren't together."

Lorne:
"Well—mmgh.... then WILL YOU MARRY ME."

Jamie:
"No."

Lorne:
"See? I'm not gonna keep playing the fuckin' game, Jamie."

#2124

Winnie:
"My gown got caught on the bed rail and it exposed my panties."

Lorne:
"Gabriel? Who's Gabriel?!"

#2123

"My memory is FUCKED UP like that! I can't remember what I was—what I did YESTERDAY! But you wait—give me fuckin' three years, I'll remember it! That's how my fuckin' memory works!"

—to Ramona

#2122

"I don't want a dick... I want your pussy. I want your lips, I want your neck. I want your boobies, I want your butt. I want your hair, I want your dimples. I want your nose. I want your eyes. I want you."

—to Winnie

#2121

"STOP CALLING ME A STUPID FUCKFACE!"

—to Tiffany (Casey)

#2120

"Give me a hundred percent of you so I can give you a hundred percent of me."

—to Ramona

#2119

"When we masturbate.... don't mention my mom."

—to Winnie

#2118

"There's a couple more on there for thirty-five thousand, thirty thousand, twelve thousand, ten thousand, two thousand, six thousand, eight thousand—emnhngnggnngg..."

—to Jamie, about Beanie Babies on eBay

#2117

"YOU WANNA FUCK HIM—YOU GO RIGHT AHEAD! I'LL SEE YA LATER!

—to Jamie, about Will

#2116

"It won't be hairy forever, honey."

—to Winnie, referring to her 'butthole'

#2115

"I cherish every time I sit down. I... relax. I cherish it. The problem is, I don't like sitting down because I sit down all week."

—to Emma

#2114

"I don't even have a hanking at all for a beer."

—to Ramona (not a typo—he said hanking)

#2113

"I will put clothes on when you're here... if we really need to have clothes on."

—to Cas3y, when he was planning Cas3y's first visit

#2112

"I'm gonna make a cast of my cock and send it to you. I don't want you to argue with me about it please. I'm having a really hard time here and I need you to have me there."

—text to Jamie

#2111

"I just had a banana and watermelon for dinner."

—text to Cas3y

#2110

Ramona, about the Doctor:
"Why are you so obsessed with this guy?"

Lorne:
"Because you're MAKIN' me obsessed!"

#2109

"I'm sorry I'm getting pissed cuz I fuckin'—I hate the fuckin' internet! It's caused me a fuckin' world a' hurt!"

—to Emma

"2108

"I'm trying something completely different to get me out of the un-trust with you."

—to Winnie

#2107

"I wanna know how I became NOTHING to you!"

—to Jamie

#2106

"His mind was so focused on being able to get into a young ass that the voice didn't matter to him."

—to Emma, about Stanley not picking up on fake voices (seriously)

#2105

"How can you possibly even let this stuff happen?"

—to Jamie, about Will's amnesia

#2104

"I doubt it but I wouldn't doubt it at the same time."

—to Emma, about Nikki possibly being a prostitute

#2103

"She's 80-years-worth of being a real woman."

—to Jamie, about Mama Gwen

#2102

"I love you. Don't EVER fuckin' go a fuckin' day without talking to me again."

—Tiffany (Casey)

#2101

"Tell that bird I said he can't have Debbie, go play with his own pecker."

—to Will and Winnie, about a bird

#2100

"You've got 2 months and 4 weeks until you come here!"

—to Winnie

#2099

"Until I'm over you, it's considered cheating to me."

—to Ramona, after they both agreed to see other people

#2098

"I don't WANNA be teased all the time! And that's what brought me to fucking tears today! Because you KEPT! FUCKING! TEASING ME!"

—to Winnie

#2097

"I love YOU, and that's the only reason I bow down to some of the crap that you hand me."

—to Tiffany (Casey)

#2096

"Guess what. It is not gonna be very much longer that he's gonna be walking around without a shirt, his cock hangin' out, ready to stick his dick in you, and I'm gonna be out lookin' for another woman."

—to Winnie, about Dan

#2095

"It's NOT hard to understand! You want me, you want ME! Crooked fuckin' broken dick and all!"

—to Casey (Winnie)

#2094

"The big reason why I wanted my compu—my computer back was so that I could keep an eye on what people were doin'. Like findin' things in the store with my face on 'em, without my permission."

—to Tiffany (Debbie), about making sure stores weren't selling Lorne Armstrong merchandise