#1953

"No, I didn't lose signal. I hung up because you put Rawd before me again."

—to Jamie

#1952

"I am a good person and you KNOW it!"

—to Ramona

#1951

Lorne:

"Wheh-wheh-when you're in a relationship with somebody, how many other people get involved?"

Will:

"What do you mean, 'get involved'?"

Lorne:

"Get involved with—in your relationship."

#1950

Paul M:
"Do you believe in ghosts?"

Lorne:
"No. I think it's funny as hell when people are afraid of ghosts..... I believe in spirits."

#1949

"Because YOU are a fuckin' special woman. I have spent TIME with you. You and I have gotten CLOSE. Very fucking close. There are things—aehhghg—that I share with you that I WON'T share with other people. I BELIEVE in you."

—to Tiffany, when she asked why he loves her

#1948

"Uhhww-when he throws his power-punch, I'm gonna duck—daehh—I'm gonna duck down, grab his arm and... throw his arm around so he keeps spinnin' around 'til he falls down."

—to Winnie, explaining how he'd beat Chris Hansen in a boxing match

LORNE IS READY

#1947

"There's plenty of women here that want me, Casey. Because I don't cheat on people, and I'm honest with people."

#1946

"Hey! Whatta ya mean, 'you don't like me that much'? You LOVE me, I'm like yuh—I'm like yer fuckin' brother."

—to Emma

#1945

Will:
"Phone."

Lorne:
"Call."

Will:
"Tank."

Lorne:
"Blank."

Will:
"Circle."

Lorne:
"Window."

Will:
"Roll."

Lorne
"Light."

Will:
"Jenga."

Lorne:
"Sheetrock."


—playing the Word Association game

#1944

"Even when I was a kid I didn't like porn. The real thing is better than... than watchin'." 

—to Jamie

#1943

"I know who gives a fuck about me and who doesn't. And if—if they can't prove it by my fuckin' standards, they don't need to be in my fuckin' life." 

–to Dan

#1942

"After a day of fuckin' not bein' with you, I'm fuckehhhhh—I'm fucked up. After TWO days of not being with you, I'm ROYALLY fucked up."

—to Tiffany (Casey) 

#1941

"My fiance wants to fuckin' hand out her phone out to guys on the internet! Cuz she wants to fuckin' ignore me to talk to GUYS on the internet! And it can't be the FAT guys! It gotta be the MUSCULAR ones!"

—to Jamie

#1940

"if nobody will talk to you sweetheart you can talk to me........i'm a good guy, i have 2 nieces your age"

—to Kayla, the 13-year-old decoy

#1939

"God forbid the two old—your two oldest kids never fuckin' do anything wrong! They're pieces a' shit! They're fuckin' worthless!"

 —to Mama Gwen, about Ralph and Laurie

#1938

"I'M NOT GONNA HAVE PEOPLE TELL ME THAT I'M A BAD FUCKIN' PERSON ALL MY LIFE, WHEN I KNOW I DIDN'T WANNA GO THERE! I'M NOT A FUCKIN' BAD PERSON AND I KNOW I DIDN'T WANNA GO THERE! THAT'S NOT WHAT I WANTED TO DO! I WANTED TO BE A NICE PERSON!"

—to Ramona, about Kayla, the 13-year-old decoy and the TCAP sting

#1937

"You know what that tells me? It tells me you love me."

—to Tiffany, when she (jokingly) said she'd smell his fingers after he wiped his ass

#1936

"It figures you'd mention Dan's nuts."

—to Winnie

#1935

"I'm not getting a hard-on off ANY fuckin' juice right now."

—to Jamie

#1934

Lorne:
"I'm not gonna be naked if you don't want me to be naked."

Cas3y:
"Why would I want you to be naked?"

Lorne:
"I don't know.... .... .... was hoping."

#1933

"Why'unch you think about how UN-INNOCENT you are."

—to Winnie  

#1932

"I've been going to work, I've been donating water to the homeless shelter, I go over and help mom, I help aunt Sharon."

—to Tiffany (Casey), describing how Lorne "gives back to society"

#1931

"You're trying to stick me in a spot to put words in my mouth."

—to Winnie

#1930

"We were with each other all the time... and we knew that we wanted to date each other."

—to Jamie, about Paula

#1929

"Chris Hansen's GAY, he's not 6'6"!"

—to Winnie (Casey)

#1928

Still, other things were discussed. Mhehhngh—the other—the other things tha—the other things were talked about... and things were said, and in the process of those things being said you said some things that—that made me feel a lot better."

—to Cas3y

#1927

"There will be no more calling the Pinewood Motel."

—to Winnie 

#1926

"I wouldn’t vote for Obama or for Romney. I would vote for Mickey Mouse first before either of them."

—from Lorne's prison journal

#1925

"There's answers that need to be fuckin' taken here!"

—to Tiffany (Casey)

#1924

"We were on the PHONE. Can't really say that we were TALKING cuz you were concentratin' on DONKEY KONG."

—to Jamie

#1923

Winnie:
"I love pooping."

Lorne:
"I love YOU."

#1922

Paul M, referring to his daughter:
"You want her phone filled with pictures of your penis, eh?"

Lorne:
"Uhl-whal—If I'm gonna be the one to marry her, yeah, of course I would."

#1921

"I like reality."

—to Jamie 

#1920

'He said, "What is that?" 

Told him, "It's a ring." 

Tony said, "No, fuckin' kiddin', you stupid fuck." 

I said, "Yeah. You haven't fuckin' learned that yet, you dumb fuck?" 

Tony called me a fag. I said, "Well, you're a fuckin' GAY." 

He said, "Whatever, Louie." 

I said, "Whatever, Louie."'

—to Winnie, about when Tony first saw Lorne wearing his "wedding ring"

#1919

"He's sad. He misses his baby girl."

—text to Rhoda, Lorne's girlfriend's 18-year-old daughter, sent with a picture of his penis  

#1918

"Welcome to the Lorne Reality Show. This is the exercise show I told you guys that I'd do. And, yeah, I know I look fat in this shirt, but no, I'm not." 

—to YouTube viewers

#1917

"Yeah, you play 'a silly game of Donkey Kong,' but the attention you were GIVING to Donkey Kong was unbelievable. " 

—to Jamie