#1399

"No, we are not breaking up. We've come too far and we're getting too close to being together. Wuh-wuh—we are worth staying together."

—to Winnie

#1398

"I spent enough years of my life in Dreamland, waiting for someone to be real."

—to Jamie

#1397

"Lying cheating [fucking] piece of shit
bitch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

—text to Ramona

#1396

Tiffany (Debbie):
"So [Winnie] shitting in the tub is a deal breaker?"

Lorne:
"Mm-no."

#1395

Jamie:
"We are done, Lorne."

Lorne:
"No, we're not fuckin' done! Don't give me that fuckin' horseshit!"

#1394

"If anyone knew we were talking to each other the tabloids would have a field day."

—email to Cas3y

#1393

"Well, it sounds like you don't want me to come inside you."

—to Winnie

#1392

"Wanna touch my butt?"

—to Kayla, the 13-year-old decoy

#1391

"I wish I could brush your hair."

—to Jamie 

#1390

"Dan's gonna be here and Dan and Emma are gonna be with Dan and Emma and you and me are gonna be with you and me."

—to Tiffany (Casey)

#1389

"I gotta stop crying before I go up there into the factory place."

—to Emma

#1388

"You're tryn'a impress yourself cuz you think it's a smart thing to say when you know it's not."

—to Cas3y

#1387

"I don't want us to go through our marriage with you trying to make me jealous of other guys. That's not somethin' we need to have on our backs."

—to Winnie

#1386

"Jesus Christ, Jamie. Are you trying to KILL us?"

#1385

"We were quite literally standing on the edge of goodbye."

—email to Cas3y, about Jamie 

#1384

Rhoda:
"Where am I gonna find a good role model?"

Lorne:
"Find a good role model HERE. Never mind what I did wrong in my past because.... that was just a bad time in my life."

#1383

"When did she call me an ugly alien?"

—to Winnie, about Debbie

#1382

"Do you want to lick my balls too?"

—to Kayla, the 13-year-old decoy

#1381

"I feel like I wasted a year and a half of my feelings on someone that became a robot to her friends."

—email to Cas3y, about Jamie

#1380

"You say you love me and then you go and suck on somebody else's cock. Explain that."

—to Winnie

#1379

Jamie:
"Jesus, you don't listen."

Lorne:
"Well, I got stuck on a thought."

#1378

"Gee, I'm sorry. You must be gettin' some COCK n' COKE thrown in ya right now."

—voicemail to Winnie

#1377

Jamie:
"Why do you lie instead of telling the truth?"

Lorne:
"Because you're always trying to CATCH me in a fuckin' lie!"

#1376

"I don't care what color your hair is, I love you.... you just can't show up with a penis."

—to Winnie

#1375

Tiffany:
"Sing 'I'm A Little Teapot.' You know that one?"

Lorne:
"I don't know Little Teapot....
[singing...] 
I'm a little teapot short and stout!
You fuckin'—you saw a fuckin' mouse and you ran the fuck out!" 
[then he proceeds to laugh like an idiot]

#1374

"PAULA#!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#"

—text to Ramona

#1373

Jamie:
"All you ever want is constant reassurance."

Lorne:
"Well, [laughs] yeah, honey, I'm in love with you. You're damn straight I want reassurance that you're not fallin' in love with someone else."

#1372

"I'm anxious to get all through your britches."

—to Winnie 

#1371

"Do you wanna hold them in your hand?"

—to Kayla, the 13-year-old decoy, referring to his testicles

#1370

"I don't look for revenge on anybody, unless it's Xavier Von Erck or someone like 'at."

—to Emma

#1369

Jamie:
"We broke up in October."

Lorne:
"Yeah, and we both know that we both still wanted those plans."

#1368

Casey:
"Okay, you still don't know what a twink is."

Lorne:
"Well—unghgh—I know, a gay guy twinkin' his ass for another guy."

#1367

"Nobody's touching my dick but you."

—to Winnie

#1366

"I'm far from a fuckin' millionaire."

—to Ramona 

#1365

"Ohhh, lemme see, what did I do today that impressed myself ... ... Well, I got home safely—I impressed myself on that one. I drove safely, I didn't kill anyone—I impressed myself on THAT one. I helped my boss work out tomorrow's job for me—I impressed myself on that considering I ... ... I had to remember all the loads that I just did this week that got all screwed up."

—to Cas3y

#1364

Will:
"You guys are ALWAYS arguing about nothing."

Lorne:
Mmnghghhyuhbdehbm—that's what we do. 'Til we're face-to-face with each other that's probably what we will do."

#1363

"You're pushing me away with every fucking move you're doing right now!"

—to Tiffany

#1362

"Seven, eight ... nine, maybe? I don't know."

—to Jamie, estimating how many women have let him brush their hair

#1361

Human Jamie:
"Why was she in your phone under "Mom N"?

Lorne:
"Because I told probation that I would stop having anything to do with Nikki."

#1360

Winnie:
"You're such a bitch."

Lorne:
"You love me, dontcha."

#1359

"You call him RODERICK, so it sounds more ROMANTIC."

—to Jamie, about Rawd 

#1358

"May you get so drunk you puke in your car and get fucked by 10 alligators."

—text to Debbie, as told by Lorne to Winnie

#1357

"Hitchhike to Maine? That'd be a good way to get raped."

—to Winnie

#1356

"FUCK WILL AND HIS BIG BEAUTIFUL FUCKIN' PENIS! YOU FUCKIN' LOVE HIM, GO MARRY HIM! I'M TIRED OF YOU TREATIN' HIM LIKE HE'S A FUCKIN' GOD!"

—to Jamie

#1355

"There are so many things about her that is just beautiful."

—to Tiffany (Debbie), about Winnie

#1354

"Goodnight, Mrs. Jamie Armstrong."

#1353

"I love you, Casey Armstrong."

#1352

"I love you, Winnie Armstrong."

#1351

"I love you, Kayla Marie Armstrong."

#1350

"I've had plenty of compliments."

—to Jamie, referring to his ass