"Nnyeh—it's not that I'm SELFISH, it's that I'm in love with you and—and the crap I've been through makes me do fucked up shit."
—to Ramona
#2040
#2039
"I'll kill any motherfucker that mistreats a dog—an animal—period."
—to Paul M
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A still from a video depicting Lorne's dog Roscoe tied to a treadmill |
#2038
"I don't care if you make fuckin' friends, but you don't need to give 'em your fuckin' phone number!"
—to Jamie
#2036
"Yeah, everybody has SEEN my cock. But not everybody has FELT my cock."
—to Winnie, assuring her she's still special to him
#2035
"When you try to put that point across, compared to what you used to say—say to me, it only makes me think more. So you might wanna decide how much you want me to think."
—to Jamie
#2034
"I don't wanna treat you bad. I wanna treat you like the princess that I think you are."
—to Winnie, the tub-shitter
#2033
"That fuckin' bitch is a piece a' shit! When're you gonna see that, mom?!"
—to Mama Gwen, about his sister and HER DAUGHTER, Laurie
#2032
"FUCK THAT FUCKIN' SITE! IT'S A PIECE A' SHIT!"
—to Emma, about a Church of Cawd Facebook group
(Editor's note: I just think it's funny to call a website a "piece a' shit")
#2031
Lorne:
"They think my teeth are in really bad shape. My teeth are NOT in bad shape. They're stained. My teeth are stained, and that front one is a crown. That's why that one's off-color. There's nothin' medically wrong with 'em, other than—the only thing wrong with 'em is they're stained from—from coffee and cigarettes. That's the only things that's wrong with 'em. They're stained AFTER 30 YEARS."
Cas3y:
"They're chipped and they're broken."
Lorne:
"That's from a cavity. I had a cavity on the front tooth. That's what happened with my other front tooth—I had a cavity on it, and part of it chipped off. My other one has a filling and I've had a couple molars pulled, and I've had two of my wisdom teeth taken out. That's the only thing wrong with my teeth."
#2030
"I don't think it's a fairy-tale thing, I think it's real. I think spirits live on and they either go to hell or they go to heaven. And my spirit's gonna go to heaven."
—to Winnie
#2029
"Really?? Wow."
—to Cas3y, absolutely shocked after she said she didn't recall the name 'Lorne Armstrong'
#2015
"I'm walkin' around with my hand on my head, thinkin' about your bellybutton picture, and your other pictures."
—to Winnie
#2014
Tiffany (Casey):
"Why would you call people faggots? That's pretty hateful."
Lorne:
"Cuz they are! I didn't put 'em there!"
#2013
"You're supposed to be my wife, Winnie, and you sucked on Dan's COCK... when you were camping!"
#2012
"Why would you wanna—nyeh—spend so much time with another guy, and—and lose feeleh—and take the chance of losing feelings for me and getting feelings for him?"
—to Jamie, about Carter
#2010
"Why would you hide that from me when you've taken me in with you to go shit before?"
—to Winnie, angry that she was "hiding" her bathroom activities from him
#2009
"Today—today, you did it again today. DAN, every time I turn around—the fuckin' word DAN. Now I don't even like the name."
—to Tiffany (Casey)
#2006
Rhoda (Lorne's 18-year-old "stepdaughter"):
" I want you to grab my boobs like a crab. Pinchy-pinchy!"
Lorne:
"Eh-ehss... ehgh—are you alone?"
Rhoda:
"Yeah."
Lorne:
"Okay. Ahb—I'll grab—grab your nipples with my teeth."
#2001
"She don't wanna deal with the issue! She wants to suck on Rawd's fuckin' COCK again!"
—to Cas3y, about Jamie
#2000
"YOU OPENED YOUR FUCKING VAGINA TO AT LEAST THREE FUCKING GUYS THAT WAS THERE TODAY! THREE!!"
—to Winnie
#1999
"I'd say they're nice and soft.... and firm. Easy to... to rub on."
—to Jamie, about her boobs
#1998
"No, I'm not gonna pinch Emma's nipples. That's Dan's job."
—to Rhoda, his 18-year-old "stepdaughter"
#1996
"To be 'in love' with someone means you'd do anything for them—anything to make them happy within a reasonable situation."
—to Kayla, the 13-year-old decoy
#1995
"Women are top fuckin' notch. I was raised by my mom. That's why women are top-notch—what they say goes."
—to Human-Jamie
#1991
"I was just thinking about your cock in my butthole. My beautiful butthole."
—to Winnie (this was during his 'mine-is-yours/yours-is-mine' phase)