"Do you want to fall back in love with me?"
—to Jamie
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#1855
"He was my oldest brother and the only father figure that I had."
—to Cas3y, about Ralph, who was 9 YEARS OLD when their father left (not to mention that Lorne had an actual stepfather for nearly 3 decades)
#1854
"What if I was Dan? Would you need a fawkin' 5-gallon bucket underneath ya?"
—to Tiffany (Casey)
#1853
"I'm gonna need the help of the public."
—to Winnie, when Lorne was going to take down the "corrupt" probation officer, lawyer, and judge
#1850
"If I tell her 'no' then she tells me she doesn't wanna come up here! And then she's down there with the drugs!"
—to Winnie, giving his excuse for having phone sex with Rhoda, his "stepdaughter" who calls him "daddy"
#1848
"You eat my chili and i'll
eat your bbq sauce lol
Sounds a little sexual
right? lol"
—text to Cas3y
#1847
"Those that can't feel from the neck down can still feel when—when their cawk is being touched."
—to Tiffany (Winnie)
#1845
"When you don't answer my goddamn fawkin' calls, that makes me fawkin' worry like a motherfawker that other fawkin' shit is goin' on!"
—to Dan, after Lorne found out Dan bought Casey heart-shaped balloons when she was in the hospital
#1843
"Oh, believe me, I'll kiss—ahhhb-nahhb—I'm definitely gonna kiss my phone so that—it'll get through to you."
—to Winnie, during their phone-wedding ceremony
#1842
"Regardless if you're still in love with me or not, I'm still in love with you. Even though you're letting Donkey Kong steal you away from me."
—text to Jamie
#1841
"I haven't seen you actually fawkin' wanting me for a long time. All I've seen is you wanting to fawkin' tease the FAWK out of me for a long time."
—to Winnie
#1839
"I would have loved to have made a hole-in-one in your panties, but you already let someone else do that."
—to Winnie
#1838
"Here's a better description: wet, sticky snow—rolled up in a snowball. There ya go."
—to Jamie, describing what boobs feel like
#1836
"That's why I shortened my signature up. There's too many humps when it comes to the—to the R—you got the O, then the N. And at the beginning of it, you got the 'Arm'—you got the R and the M together. So it's like way too many humps in a row—4 humps in a row, so I just scribble it out and... cut it off short."
—to Paul M
#1835
"I'm quite sure with the shorts and the pants that you wear, guys are lookin' at your pussy when you're walkin'."
—to Jamie
#1834
"But there's a better life for you in Maine with a hot guy lol"
—text to Cas3y, after she said California was the best place to live
#1833
"I just want a pair of your panties, and your t-shirt, because they're a part of you."
—to Winnie
#1832
"If you fawk with the Armstrong family, you're gonna get your ass run over!"
—to Nathanielette
#1830
"What, you don't think I'm hot? Oh well. A lot a' women out there that do think I'm hot. So there ya go."
—to Winnie
#1829
"She wound up going back to Alaska, and she come back to visit 2 years later, and... she uh... she had thoughts of gettin' married to me in her head. I told her it weren't happenin'."
—to Tiffany (Debbie), about Paula
#1827
"Tell Matilda to leave—unggh—Casey's phone alone. I was so fawkin' content. Casey was sleeping and I was listening—listening to her sleeping."
—to Dan
#1825
"She's been bitching cuz I haven't wanted to have phone sex. I've been trying not to so she could save her juices—for her shows, so she could make money."
—to Will, about Jamie
#1824
"I got my daughter on the phone. She just farted."
—Lorne said this to some intake worker at a warehouse while he was on the phone with Rhoda
#1823
"She better fawkin' make it. I got a lifetime I wanna spend with her."
—to Emma, about Winnie's terminal illness
#1817
Lorne:
"[Paula] loved me, but—ahhb—I didn't make a move on her and she wanted... she wanted... more... than what I was giving her at the time."
Cas3y:
"So why didn't you make a move on her? If you loved her and she loved you."
Lorne:
"Because I didn't know that she loved me at the time. And I didn't even know that I loved her at the time."
#1816
"Three seconds is a long time to stand there and fawkin' look at somebody's cawk."
—to Emma, about Ramona and the Doctor
#1814
Jamie:
"You were mentioning sexual shit to her. Why?"
Lorne:
"I weren't saying SEXUAL SHIT to her!!"
Jamie:
"Yes you were."
Lorne:
"Like WHAT."
Jamie:
" 'Did you tell your boyfriend I made you cum three times on the phone?' "
Lorne:
"Yeah, I was bein' a smart-ass."
#1812
"And drive careful. There's precious cargo in your vehicle. I'm talking about you being the precious cargo."
—text to Cas3y
#1807
"Iddin there some way that you can make ME feel special? Like, sleep with actual pajamas on?"
—to Jamie
#1806
"I want you to cum all over me. Not fart all over me—cum all over me."
—to Dan, who was pretending to be Casey
#1801
"Don't say we're not together, Jamie! You're just gonna hurt us every fawkin' time you say it!"
#1799
"Nothin's wrong with dick. But it's gotta be used in a smart way."
—to Rhoda, Lorne's 18-year-old "stepdaughter"
#1798
Jamie:
"I don't give a shit."
Lorne:
"That's obvious. But you sure give a shit about Carter's 'bro'."
—when Lorne was furious that Jamie called him bro, a word she "got from another guy"
#1797
"In order to have my wiener, you gotta have me, so, guess you'll have to learn to love me."
—to Winnie
#1796
"I go in my own head and I try to figure out where the hell I started doing it that—why I started doing it."
—to Tiffany (Debbie), about his constant lying
#1795
"How many guy's CAWKS did she stop and suck on the way there to get pills?”
—to Jamie, about Maggie Jo
#1794
Winnie:
"What if you have to choose one, and there's only [Coke and Pepsi] in the ice chest, and you're really thirsty, and there's no beer, and your mom's twat is totally dry, and you're really thirsty?"
Lorne:
"Probably Pepsi."
#1793
"Laurie moved out with her new boyfriend, which turned into be her husband. Then Ralph moved—ehlhhllgng—moved out with his girlfriend, which her name was Lori. And—ehhgng—so I—that's where I lost my two protectors. Thegghh—and then Roy was actually my last protector. And then he moved to California."
—to Ramona
#1792
"It's like concrete, layin' between bricks. It's the mortar mix, it doesn't have any rocks in it. It's just a mortar mix. I'd say that when—when that mix is—is half-dry, that's—that's what I'd say your—your boobs feel like."
—to Jamie
 |
| Mixin' up a fresh batch a' boobs |
#1789
"Ih-ihhh-ih-it'll be officiated in person. But for now it's a temporary officiation."
—to Dan & Winnie, about Lorne and Winnie's telephone wedding
#1785
"I still think I'll end up being rich, because I don't give up. And I have too many talents to try to not make money from them."
—from Lorne's prison journal