You're not wearin' your wedding ring, so you're obviously trying to impress some guy."
—to Winnie
#1951
Lorne:
"Wheh-wheh-when you're in a relationship with somebody, how many other people get involved?"
Will:
"What do you mean, 'get involved'?"
Lorne:
"Get involved with—in your relationship."
#1950
Paul M:
"Do you believe in ghosts?"
Lorne:
"No. I think it's funny as hell when people are afraid of ghosts..... I believe in spirits."
"Do you believe in ghosts?"
Lorne:
"No. I think it's funny as hell when people are afraid of ghosts..... I believe in spirits."
#1949
"Because YOU are a fuckin' special woman. I have spent TIME with you. You and I have gotten CLOSE. Very fucking close. There are things—aehhghg—that I share with you that I WON'T share with other people. I BELIEVE in you."
—to Tiffany, when she asked why he loves her
#1948
"Uhhww-when he throws his power-punch, I'm gonna duck—daehh—I'm gonna duck down, grab his arm and... throw his arm around so he keeps spinnin' around 'til he falls down."
—to Winnie, explaining how he'd beat Chris Hansen in a boxing match
 |
| LORNE IS READY |
#1947
"There's plenty of women here that want me, Casey. Because I don't cheat on people, and I'm honest with people."
#1946
"Hey! Whatta ya mean, 'you don't like me that much'? You LOVE me, I'm like yuh—I'm like yer fuckin' brother."
—to Emma
#1945
Will:
"Phone."
Lorne:
"Call."
Will:
"Tank."
Lorne:
"Blank."
Will:
"Circle."
Lorne:
"Window."
Will:
"Roll."
Lorne
"Light."
Will:
"Jenga."
Lorne:
"Sheetrock."
—playing the Word Association game
#1942
"After a day of fuckin' not bein' with you, I'm fuckehhhhh—I'm fucked up. After TWO days of not being with you, I'm ROYALLY fucked up."
—to Tiffany (Casey)
#1941
"My fiance wants to fuckin' hand out her phone out to guys on the internet! Cuz she wants to fuckin' ignore me to talk to GUYS on the internet! And it can't be the FAT guys! It gotta be the MUSCULAR ones!"
—to Jamie
#1940
"if nobody will talk to you sweetheart you can talk to me........i'm a good guy, i have 2 nieces your age"
—to Kayla, the 13-year-old decoy
#1939
"God forbid the two old—your two oldest kids never fuckin' do anything wrong! They're pieces a' shit! They're fuckin' worthless!"
—to Mama Gwen, about Ralph and Laurie
#1938
"I'M NOT GONNA HAVE PEOPLE TELL ME THAT I'M A BAD FUCKIN' PERSON ALL MY LIFE, WHEN I KNOW I DIDN'T WANNA GO THERE! I'M NOT A FUCKIN' BAD PERSON AND I KNOW I DIDN'T WANNA GO THERE! THAT'S NOT WHAT I WANTED TO DO! I WANTED TO BE A NICE PERSON!"
—to Ramona, about Kayla, the 13-year-old decoy and the TCAP sting
#1937
"You know what that tells me? It tells me you love me."
—to Tiffany, when she (jokingly) said she'd smell his fingers after he wiped his ass
#1934
Lorne:
"I'm not gonna be naked if you don't want me to be naked."
Cas3y:
"Why would I want you to be naked?"
Lorne:
"I don't know.... .... .... was hoping."
#1932
"I've been going to work, I've been donating water to the homeless shelter, I go over and help mom, I help aunt Sharon."
—to Tiffany (Casey), describing how Lorne "gives back to society"
#1930
"We were with each other all the time... and we knew that we wanted to date each other."
—to Jamie, about Paula
#1928
Still, other things were discussed. Mhehhngh—the other—the other things tha—the other things were talked about... and things were said, and in the process of those things being said you said some things that—that made me feel a lot better."
—to Cas3y
#1926
"I wouldn’t vote for Obama or for Romney. I would vote for Mickey Mouse first before either of them."
—from Lorne's prison journal
#1924
"We were on the PHONE. Can't really say that we were TALKING cuz you were concentratin' on DONKEY KONG."
—to Jamie
#1922
Paul M, referring to his daughter:
"You want her phone filled with pictures of your penis, eh?"
Lorne:
"Uhl-whal—If I'm gonna be the one to marry her, yeah, of course I would."
#1920
'He said, "What is that?"
Told him, "It's a ring."
Tony said, "No, fuckin' kiddin', you stupid fuck."
I said, "Yeah. You haven't fuckin' learned that yet, you dumb fuck?"
Tony called me a fag. I said, "Well, you're a fuckin' GAY."
He said, "Whatever, Louie."
I said, "Whatever, Louie."'
—to Winnie, about when Tony first saw Lorne wearing his "wedding ring"
#1919
"He's sad. He misses his baby girl."
—text to Rhoda, Lorne's girlfriend's 18-year-old daughter, sent with a picture of his penis
#1918
"Welcome to the Lorne Reality Show. This is the exercise show I told you guys that I'd do. And, yeah, I know I look fat in this shirt, but no, I'm not."
—to YouTube viewers
#1917
"Yeah, you play 'a silly game of Donkey Kong,' but the attention you were GIVING to Donkey Kong was unbelievable. "
—to Jamie
#1916
"No, we're not breaking up. We've gone—we've come too far and we're getting too close to being together."
—to Winnie
#1915
"There are a few women that I've been with that I've brushed their hair. Two of my nieces, I used to brush their hair all the time. They'd sit right there and they'd love that. I asked them why they liked it so much. They said, 'It felt good! It feels good on my head!' Then they'd ask me if they could go to Kmart... Heh. It cost me money just to brush hair."
—to Jamie
[Editor's note: During the same phone call Lorne states that he loves long hair, and that brushing hair is "romantic" and a turn-on for him. He states that some of the women/girls whose hair he brushed were relatives, including his sister and nieces]
#1914
Winnie:
"Your phone probably smells like weak coffee and Ultra Light 120's."
Lorne:
"No, probably—probably smells like your pussy, cuz that's all I'm breathing in."
#1913
"Have you heard from Casey at all? Since this afternoon? I haven't heard from her since, like, 3:40 this afternoon and she sent me a message said, 'Take your tits out.'"
—to Paul M
#1912
"Because I didn't want you to know that I was disappointing you."
—to Tiffany (Debbie), trying to explain why he lied about drinking at Tony's
#1911
"I called you, I texted you, and I got NOTHIN'. The people you work with got EVERYTHING."
–to Cas3y, when she went out for drinks with coworkers
#1910
"I'm not the greatest chef in the world so I don't have any fancy way of... movin' the knives around and all that crap."
—to YouTube viewers, during his cooking show
#1909
"No, my hands are not CRUSTY. My hands are smooth. It's just that they're muscular."
—to Tiffany (Casey)